Out Of Control
Dear Friend,
Think of all the times you have felt out of control.
When you have a big event happen in your life that rocks you to your toes, you often end up feeling very out of control.
If you’ve ever had an addiction to food, to your phone, to alcohol, to drugs, to a person, you find yourself acting in ways that don't benefit your long-term occupation of this body on this planet.
Most likely your disassociation started before your addiction but the addiction certainly keeps you numb.
It may be accompanied by the belief that if I don't feel or see the reality my emotions are describing to me, I can manage my life.
We all want a manageable life, it's just a problem when it comes at the expense of almost everything. Addiction takes everything. It often starts with a desire to control something and ends up with the most out of control state ever.
It’s very animal-like to reduce sensation under stress to survive a painful situation. Makes sense right?
But when the immediate threat stops, many people continue to numb themselves, perhaps afraid of the “out of control” feeling itself...
They might even say out loud
“I am afraid of feeling.”
And then begin a dance of trying to control their body as a way not to feel out of control with emotions. There are a few common ways–but I bet you can add some I didn’t think of too.
1) Body Shaming
2) Generalized Self-Criticism
3) Body Part Specific Criticism
4) Blaming Others
5) Ignoring Self
6) Withholding Food, Love, etc.
7) Addictions
8) Self-Harm and Putting Oneself in Harm’s Way
9) Over Exercising and Extreme Physical Challenges
10) Delusional States
And more …
(Oh joy..)
Take Willow, she grew up in a house where food was not accompanied by love.
She made her own lunches for school at 6 years old, and was never supplied with a snack for or after school. She was not allowed in the refrigerator at home and dinner was made begrudgingly, accompanied by shouts of how ungrateful she was if she didn’t eat everything on her plate. They were not poor financially but neither parent seemed able to love being with Willow.
Willow numbed her feelings for years with alcohol and food. She had a binge-purge eating disorder and although she’s no longer active in her disease, she still likes to avoid her “harder feelings” if possible.
Willow needs the support of a group witnessing her to feel safe sharing. Even though she experiences her feelings as dark and bumpy and rejectable, she would never dream of being unkind to someone else who is suffering. But, she avoids other people when her own feelings are surfacing.
In a group, Willow could experience herself as someone who has feelings and is welcomed as she gets to know them. This would be a significant change for Willow. She would begin to know herself from the inside out by emerging from numbness and being able to not only tolerate her own feelings, but to listen to the meanings she's making in her life by evaluating the system of her emotions.
The purpose of emotions is to guide us to make good decisions for ourselves.
The purpose of the Whole Body Recovery Program is to help women finally know how to make the right decisions for themselves.
They learn to do this by spending a year practicing listening to the inner wisdom that is being expressed in their body. We know we need safety to be able to share openly and that is what a good group can do. It can provide that wonderful safety that allows you not only to share, but to grow and change so you can achieve more clarity, ease, and joy in your life.
If you feel completely out of control in your life, you need to make a change. If you've had a major event that knocked you way off Center for any reason, you need to make a change so that you can repair, heal, and become inspired again to be alive in this crazy crazy world. We are needed by ourselves and for ourselves, as well as by others.
I like a group that's a little bit crazy sometimes. Where we're all trying to figure out one problem together. To sort it out, to take something apart, to look at it, to think it through, to decipher it, to turn it over in our hands and in our fingers. This is a kind of luxury and we need to gather sometimes to do this when we're really stuck. We need to really look at what is going on in the company of others who are interested in how we are, and how we can recover ourselves.
If this sounds at all like a kind of group you would like to be part of–including all the somatic movement, Body-Mind centering, and internal family systems–reach out.
I'd be interested to talk to you. The way we get together and talk is you book a discovery call and then we spend an hour looking at whether this is a good fit.
Right now I'm only taking women who have the time and financial resources to commit to a year of working on themselves together in a group.
I only have two more places left and the cohort closes on April 1, so don't delay!
Wishing You a Beautiful Spring Equinox,
Margery
